Confronting the Wound.

Friend, it is time to face reality. You HAVE been wounded by your father. We all have. No father is perfect. We are all sons of Adam, the man who gave the world the first father wound through his failure to protect us in the garden. The wounding has continued through the ages. 

Yes, you may have had a dad that was honestly trying to do his best. He has regrets for how he treated you. He often said he was sorry to you. But your wounds are still there. 

Some men may say, 'I don't think I have any wounds from my dad. We had a great relationship.' I wish all men could say this, but it's very rare. But was he perfect? Did he ever speak a hurtful word to your mother or anyone else? You may have received secondary wounding during these times.

Others might think, 'My mom is the one who wounded me!' Yes, that can be true. I have to ask, then: where was your dad during these times? Was he there to defend you? 

And a few of you may be thinking, 'I never knew my dad. I grew up without him, so there was no chance of me being abused or neglected.' Maybe one day, he decided that he does not need his family anymore and walked out the door. But the fact that he was not there is an absence wound. There is a hole in your heart that needed to be filled with the love of a father and wasn't. And it may still be empty. 

His absence could be from no fault of his own, like sickness or death. Or he may have been imprisoned. Either way, you were deprived of a father's love that you so desperately needed, and that hurt was stamped onto your heart. 

My Personal Experience

In that eye-opening book for me, Wild At Heart, John Eldredge says this:

Every boy, in his journey to become a man, takes an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of his strength. Because the wound is rarely discussed and even more rarely healed, every man carries a wound. And the wound is nearly always given by his father. 

Friend, I was deeply wounded by my father. The beatings, slappings, hair-pullings, screamings - that was my childhood reality. The day he came running in anger towards me as a 14-year-old boy, plowed his shoulder into me and sent me flying through the air onto the gravel driveway cannot be erased from my memory. The absence of his affection and his time, like playing games, going fishing, watching me play sports, or just talking one-on-one about life was nearly non-existent. My boyhood, my masculinity, my heart, had been beaten down countless number of times during these times of injustice or unconcern.

I resolved not to need anyone, but to rather just rely on myself. And I made a promise to myself: I will never be like my father. But these resolutions just made things worse. 

Romans 2:1 says, "...you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things."

I had become like my father. Abrasive, bad-tempered, cynical, hypercritical, impatient, judgmental, resentful, unforgiving. My wife, my children, my friends, co-workers - anyone who came within my path was a potential victim because of my unresolved pain. "Wounded people wound other people" was my unknown mission statement. 

I was forced to confront my wounds at that four-day retreat. Fear, doubt, and apprehension were powerfully encircling me as I began that weekend. 

It was the greatest four days of my life.

Healing the Wound.

Dr. Bob Schucts, a Catholic therapist, and founder of the John Paul II Healing Center, says in his book, Be Healed: 

Somewhere deep inside each one of us is a burning desire to finally become the person God created us to be...While we long to be made pure and whole, we avoid God's process of purification and healing. But the process must begin now in each of our lives... 

One of my biggest fears is to wake up one morning at the age of 75, look in the mirror, and say, "I woulda, coulda, shoulda - but I didn't." I didn't face the challenge of becoming all that I could be. I didn't want to be "uncomfortable." I didn't have the courage to face my wounds.

Friend, there is a destiny, a purpose, an adventure to which you have been called, to which no one else has been. Your spouse, children, the world - is counting on you.

What will you do?

The Gentlest of Healers.

My friend, I cannot personally heal your wounds. That healing comes from Jesus Christ, the gentlest of healers, through the power of the Holy Spirit. But I can show you the path to get you there. And that is what this course is all about. 

Sound scary and intimidating? Good! I can assure you, the devil does NOT want you to move towards healing. He loves keeping us chained within our wounds. So let's go on the attack!

Since we know fear comes from the enemy, we can name it and reject it. The last thing the devil wants you to do is to become a man of great strength within your marriage, your fatherhood, and for the world. The Father of Lies is the menace and origin of all father wounds. Reject his corruption with this prayer:

In the name of Jesus Christ, I rebuke any spirit of fear interfering with my heart. I command this spirit to go to the foot of the cross for Jesus to deal with as he sees fit. In its place, I ask for the spirits of peace, joy, and courage. In His name, I pray. Amen.

I am excited to begin this life-changing adventure with you!

All of heaven is awaiting your decision.